Haz of Maz
For a first time visitor, there are many hazards to contend with when you dare to arrive in Mazatlan. Perhaps it might be an idea to not come at all... don't say we didn't warn you, as once Mazatlan casts its spell on you, you will likely find all sorts of great excuses to stay here and never turn back...
Beach overload
When you arrive from the great white north and see a gorgeous beach that seems to stretch out for miles and miles into an eternity of fresh air and blue water, you will have that sudden urge to find traffic jams, polluted air, miles of paved roads and concrete high rises so you can return to your comfort zone. We are warning you well in advance... It's going to be painful to have to put your feet in the nice warm sand and sit in shady comfort under an umbrella with a steady stream of cold beer, great food and friendly people around. And, every time you get a bit further down the road, another beach shows up with palm trees and beach bars to explore... yep... better turn back now...
The Dreaded Weight Gain
Just a major "heads-up" before you get here... all of Mexico is basically a culinary orgasm, and Mazatlan has chefs that can create master pieces in all culinary categories. The food here is simply divine and there is no way you will be able to resist the many great foodie places all over the city. Please stay away because you will become so addicted to the deliciousness that no food outside of Mazatlan will ever be the same. Your taste buds will crave coming back here. It will drive you mad... you don't want that to happen... no, no, no. And you will find that you drool about it on your pillow in your arch filled villa at night. And then, while you are sipping on a cool cerveza on the beach, your daydreams will drift along with thoughts of tacos, burritos, chimichangas, shrimp galore, tuna steaks, mahi mahi, beef molcajete, tostadas and salsa, and home made ice cream flavours to die for. Yep, better not come here.
The Damn Awesome Music
Trust me. You are not ready for all the great music on every corner and every beach bar. You’re just not.
They play everything here from Mariachi, to opera to rock and roll, awesome blues and great country. The local musicians are well versed in getting right into your head. You try to sit still and enjoy your cervezas with dinner but your feet and hips will begin to move uncontrollably right there in your chair, and you will soon be up out of your seat in no time spinning someone around on the floor. Great performances in places like Diegos where Brentster's Beach Bash happens every Tuesday, great rock bands like Mr. Rio, Kraken, ZAZ, Kanon, Rex, and many more play in all of the local clubs, and you will find there will be no time to eat the delicious meals that are served as you will be too busy dancing. ...Shrimp Chimichangas at Veintiocho Restaurant and Bar.... just sayin... and that's where Mr. Rio plays.... but you don't want to see any of this even though you will find you are cheering for more and yelling "Bravo" along with everyone else... Upon returning to your quiet homeland, the music will continue to follow and flow deep within your soul, and take you away to magical places in your thoughts and dreams. To counteract this nasty phenomenon, be sure that you don’t come to Mazatlan.
It’s Old
Seriously, all of Mexico is just too damn old. And there are many historical sites and interesting buildings to see in and about Mazatlan. And, who in their right mind wants to visit a country with such an abundance of archaeological sites steeped in history and culture from several civilizations through the millennia? And there are still many more to discover - some might even be filled with gold and treasure. No you probably wouldn't want to do that... not when the world has places like Vegas that is built out of plastic and fake facades, right? Careful, you might come here and learn some historical shit. Caution, caution, don’t take the risk!
Not enough rainy days
When you arrive and see the endless deep blue skies and perfect sunny days, you might be so intimidated by the beauty that you have to get back on the plane immediately. Warm breezy days on a beach and cool evenings with endless entertainment to sooth the soul? What??? - no rain, no snow, no cloudy and miserable and cold and damp days to make you feel blue while you are here??? Yep - definitely stay in your homeland.
People are so damn friendly
Friendly people can be so overwhelming and tiresome. When you come here you must be extra careful that you don't speak with anyone or might get drawn in to their friendly conversations and their generous offers to include you in a lot of fun. Be careful that you don't get spellbound by endless stories of adventure and exploration, great fishing, amazing shopping, fun tours of the hillsides steeped in history, invitations to dinners, bar-b-ques, parties, dancing, great entertainment, and evenings out with a fun group of people... who wants that anyway?? Better go back and hide under your bed.
Danger / Danger (Peligro!)
This last one item is perhaps one of the most dangerous things no one tells you about living in Mazatlan– once you're here, we are quite sure that you’ll never want to leave! Yes, it has definitely happened to us.... and if you’re anything like us you'll fall head over heels with the country, the city, and the people, and won’t want to live anywhere else again.
So tread lightly when someone suggests a visit to Mazatlan. It's far too scary here in paradise. Go back to your basements and hide in a box. No we can't recommend you come - no we can't do that - just don't do it, you really don't want to come here... nope....