Locals vs Visitors

The bee/wasp/hornet was black, huge, fat and about 3 inches long, and had front legs that hung underneath in a loose dragging, swaying sort of way. To our initial horror it hovered in slow motion for what seemed like an hour, but in reality was only about 10 seconds or so. Shortly thereafter a 3 foot long lizard moves up a nearby palm tree and stares in through our open living room window, while bugs seem to materialize from nothing and start crawling all over the kitchen counter. OMG what have we moved to! Cyndi's quick movements and high pitched noises equated to there’s-a-mass-murderer-with-a-machete-in-our-apartment. Understandable, even though we really weren't fully in the jungle but, hey this was all new to us. I grabbed a pillow from the couch and waved the bee out the window and then dispatched some Raid in the kitchen.

All is calm again but the lizard keeps staring and slowly turns his head to look right at us, as if to say "I will be back during the night...".

Moving to the tropics has certainly proven to be a bit of a change - see previous two posts on "Bugs" and "Things are different here". We have also had other visitors in our living room. Smaller lizards, squirrels, humming birds, and large multi-legged insects that just saunter in through the open front door or the large living room window. They are being received with a bit more calm.

Now that we have been here long enough to be tanned and getting partially accustomed to life in the 20th latitude, it seems we have somewhat graduated from the prerequisite initiation stage and have begun to morph from tourists to locals. Our friend Patty has been here for 5 years and she just smiles at us when we have our enlightening little moments. She takes a little sip from her vodka / cranberry cocktail and then gently says “Oh Grasshopper” while touching her fingertips together.

Even so, we have both come to recognize a different feeling. Perhaps a false sense of superiority that comes with being a local in a sea of tourists. It becomes easy, and perhaps somewhat unfair of us, to hope to be seen as the cool, seasoned, “all-knowing” locals...Patty just laughs at us. Even so, we sometimes might whisper quiet things under our breath, poking fun, and generally sharing moments of tourist mockery as we walk by in our dark shades carrying our still empty grocery bags. I mean, hey, we are almost locals now...

We see them huddled together fresh off the cruise ship, spilling out of the plush air conditioned bus and then with short quick steps they group close together under the shade of a palm tree or tall building. Their shifty eyes are busily scanning every movement for the inevitable terrorist or thief waiting to pounce. They stay as close as they can to their megaphone-blaring tour guide while taking turns posing at the obligatory statue, conveniently placed along the Malecon, as selected by the guide. I must admit that it is sometimes difficult not to jump in and tell them to relax and venture out on their own in this interesting City. Go have some fun. It's not a scary place at all. Yes, we will admit that we sometimes mimic their tourist ways and their fears, and then remember they still ring in our own ears.

Following are some things we have noticed about the incoming. And yet we see ourselves in all of them and some faint reflections in a few of our visiting friends too....please remember this is all tongue-in-cheek so don't ask what category you might belong to. :-)

Groupies - After vacationing here a few times for a week each time in an all-inclusive resort, these tourists now consider themselves a local. They haven't actually experienced what it's like to live here, to shop for groceries and cook them, volunteer at charities, or take a bus or walk everywhere every day. I doubt they could manage to communicate with someone at the Farmacia, when you desperately need their help to resolve Montezuma's revenge. They haven't had to acclimatize to the summer heat and humidity nor have their ears ring from the excitement of a "close" thunderstorm. No matter, all that is a moot point, yet they spend their lives counting down the days until their next high season visit, surfing the net for information on English-speaking hotels, restaurants and beaches. During their visits, they greet the local staff like long-lost family members, rather than the people who may have served them quesadilla and tacos last year. They always have last year's dirty baseball cap on as proof of past visits, or perhaps are wearing that dirty old straw cowboy hat like Kenny Chesney wears. They seem to have a daily count down to their next all-inclusive visit behind a gated wall, and like to make sure it is posted that way on social media. They also think they know the answer to everything - that can be annoying to those of us who really do – but at least they don’t ask you as many stupid questions as the tourist newbies.

Mother Earth Adventurers - They arrive ready to climb mountains and seek raw, wild nature to trek. They are instead met with tequila shops, beach bars, sand and umbrellas, and hammocks and lounge chairs. Unfortunately, PV is more of a drinking challenge than a fitness challenge. Where everyone else is wearing swimsuits and flip flops and have a umbrella on their drink, we see them in overly practical footwear with truck-tire-like treads, heavy backpacks with camping gear and electrolyte water to stay hydrated. They wear those fashionable Tilley hats, and those zippy pants that turn into shorts. They are out to save the world and want to discuss (actually argue) ecologically responsible issues while striving to prove how Zen they are in their adaptability. They are usually highly critical of how un-eco friendly life is here and are full of magical “solutions” after being here for a couple of days. “Why don’t you have any recycling here - don’t you people know how easy it is?” “Why don't you tell people to put their dogs on a leash?” “Why are you tearing down those charming broken brick buildings and replacing them with glass high-rise buildings?”

Poster People - When planning their vacation, their main focus is preparing and assembling the outfits they will be wearing rather than what they might actually be doing for the day in their five star hotel while in PV. Their first question is about the dress code when an outing is planned. Callus-free hands and pumice polished heels avoid the sandy beach at all cost. Tommy Bahama shirts, puffy sleeves and puffy beach pants, all in starched and ironed white linen and pastel coloured tropical flowers. Designer t-shirts with a collar and powder blue and perhaps pink shorts with soft loafer shoes to match. His and hers diamond stud earrings and large silver necklaces of turquoise for the ladies. Over-sized sunglasses and huge watches on their wrists signal all waiters that they will getting a big tip at the end of the meal, and tell shop owners to double or triple their opening asking price.

PARTY PARTY PARTY – these folks usually travel in groups and they like to be loud and obnoxious. We usually find them sitting right behind us in a sports bar when we are trying to enjoy one of the few hockey games we get to see on the overhead TV screen. They are spilling their beer while yelling at the top of their lungs at another screen with men in tight pants chasing a pig skin. These tourists have just been released from their mundane 9 to 5 existence and they use their two week parole as an excuse to revert to first year college spring break behavior. Heavy drinking is their modus operandi and they can afford it as they are usually in a white collar professional field of some sort and have several poster people working for them. This is their moment to get “off the grid” and chorus “what happens in PV stays in PV”. They can certainly be fun to play with, if you’re in the mood, but it sure is hard to keep it up 7 days a week – week in week out. They can be aggravating as hell to be around, if you’re NOT in the mood... “WOOOOOOOOOO!!!! TEQUILA SHOTS!!!!!! Let’s get NAKED!!!!!”

OK, I feel better now that I got that out. I am sure I will be mocked without mercy when I am that new tourist in the next part of our adventure. Life goes on...